I don't know how many of you readers work in an office, and I have had the good fortune to work in place where office attire was a very relaxed set of prescriptions as opposed to a codified law. That being said, there is still a level of conformity required when you are working in an office setting.

I was having this argument the other day with my older brother, Gabe, and he was complaining about how easy women's dress code was to follow. He proposed, even, that women didn't really have to follow the dress code at all.

I get where he's coming from. From all appearances, women's attire is the exception to the workplace outfit. Women can ignore things like 'must wear tie' and 'dress slacks required'. Even prohibitions against flip flops can sometimes be circumvented by a fancy sandal.

BUT.

Whereas men have to follow a strict code that involves dress slacks and a button-down shirt, women, from the outside appear to have more autonomy. Not so. Women have their own laws.

I know this because I stress everyday about what to wear. You can't wear anything too revealing, and you can't wear something that is too eye-catching, unless you want to, and then it better look good on you.

You can't wear sneakers, or other comfortable shoes, but wearing high heels will make walking anywhere tourture.

You should aim to be trendy and fashionable, but if you try for trendy and fashionable and fail, it's incredibly embarrassing.

having worked in offices all over the world, it's always an interesting thing to try to piece together the rules for office attire.

In Korea, someone mentioned in passing that, wow I sure did like to wear bright colors, and hmmm it must be different in America, Korean women don't usually feel comfortable wearing such low cut shirts.
 - as a side note on that, it wasn't that I was wearing low-cut shirts, it's that I wasn't wearing turtlenecks, and anything short of that shows much more of the girls than is necessary. I refuse to wear turtlenecks on principle.

In Saudi, it was all about being the most fashionable, which was hard when you could get written up/ fired for wearing anything too revealing. In Saudi Arabia, 'too revealing' was anything that showed your ankles and above, and anything that showed your elbows and above.

As you can imagine, this seriously cut down our choices, and I was content to go to work in anything that would fit those prescriptions. But I always felt the pressure from my co-workers to dress more fashionable. We even had an award for the best dresser among the teachers.
 - as a side note: we didn't have a 'best teacher' award....

In America, it's a little easier, but not by much. You do have to be fashionable, but most stores for women's clothes I go to either try to sell you something my grandmother would wear, or something I wouldn't even wear to go clubbing in. There are very few shops that sell something in between, and even those have few choices.

Covering the girls is always a problem - like I said, I don't like turtlenecks - and the girls will have their say if I wear anything but. I've come to terms with this, because this is the way I was made, but it doesn't help when I get disparaging looks from women in the metro or cat calls from men walking down the street.

Fashion fluctuates, but it is rare that it favors the lady with a tool set.

This is all to present the question: Who has it worse?

Men have to dress by a strict uniform code and can rarely deviate into something more comfortable or interesting, but they don't have to worry about what they wear.

Women are expected to walk the line between fashionable and professional, and are constantly worrying if what they are wearing is acceptable, but they can flout some of the more strict provisions in the dress code.

What do you think?


As a side anecdote consider this:

One of my male co-workers told me of his experience at my current job, which has a very relaxed dress code. He came in the first day with a tie, and many people joked that he was being so formal.

He considered the joking good-natured and was glad he wasn't expected to wear a tie.

But then.

One day, about three months into working for our company, my friend, let's call him Zack, decided he would spice it up, and wear a tie to work. Within three minutes of him coming into work, several people had strong reactions ranging from making fun to despairing that Zack was making everyone look bad. One of his bosses came in and good-naturedly, but very firmly, told him to take it off.

It kind of went from joking to panicked in zero seconds flat. The reason for this, Zack told me, was because our new CEO wears suits and ties to work everyday, and everyone is worried he's going to up the ante on the dress code for men.

Apparently, no one wants to give him any ideas that they want to start wearing ties.

I started this blog to talk about literature (HA!) and writing and I've been doing just about everything but. So let's get back to the original purpose.

Books!

In honor of Awards Season I'm going to post the top 10 books I read in 2013. Excluded from this list are Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and Five Flavors of Dumb, both of which I talked about in this post about music in books, and both of which would have made the top 10 with flying colors. Note that this list is pretty heavy on the Young Adult because that's what I write. Soooo.... heads up.

Top 10 Books I Read this Year:

1) Daughter of Smoke and Bone (2011) by Laini Taylor

Fantasy YA
There are few books that leave me completely bereft of all feeling and sense. But this was definitely one of them. It started off standard enough, and then morphed into this allegory of epic proportions that took me days afterwards to untangle. The world building! The characters! The backstory. I like this book so much, I wanted to dress up as the main character for Halloween.

What was most extraordinary about this book was the way the story started out so mundane, then took off into flights of fancy without the reader noticing. The writing was fantastic and expressive without being noticeable, which is the goal, really.

I mean, how many books can make you question the very nature of good and evil? I didn't read this book for a long time after I'd gotten it because books about angels are beyond boring to me, but this was different. Very different. Because there are no angels and no demons and nothing is very clear cut. You love the bad guys as much as the good guys and there are points when you really don't know which is which.

There are some very valid criticisms about the pacing and the way the second half of the story barely fits the first, but it works well anyway. I feel like if you create a world fascinating enough, you can be forgiven a lot of things. Just ask Robin McKinley.

Also this book suffers from what I like to call "Where the hell are your parents?" syndrome. None of this would have happened if someone had bothered to write in some parental figures.

I didn't read the second of this series because the third is not out yet and I wasn't about to be caught up in that book gap. I am eagerly awaiting the third book so I can read them all in one sweep. And spend the rest of the week in bed...


2) Girls of Riyadh (2007) by Rajaa Alsanea

Contemporary NA
The way this book is written is part of it's charm, and the other is it's subject matter. Naturally, I would read this book because all the girls in the book attended the university I taught at. I knew these girls. I taught these girls. I saw a hundred dramas like this play out every day. 

 Written in the style of a series of emails from a cheeky writer, Girls of Riyadh is the story of four Saudi girls and their very unique struggles.

It's no secret Saudi women have it tough, but sometimes I think people don't realize the extent. People see from the outside the money and the pampering and don't really grasp the situations these girls are put in. I think one of the greatest parts about reading an international author is that you see a slice of the world you have never even contemplated.

The tone and voice in this is fantastic and the world painstakingly accurate. The best part about it, though, is that it doesn't leave you with a feeling of pity for these girls and their restricted lives. It leaves you with a sense that they're going to be alright. Even after everything, they'll come out on top somehow.  

The book was written in Arabic (obviously) and I would love to read it in it's original form one day. There are probably layers of meaning that were lost in translation.



3) The Fault in Our Stars (2012) by John Green

Contemporary YA
This is a story about kids with cancer. When I heard that, I didn't want to read it. My life has a lot of intense things in it already, why would I want to read about something so inherently sad as kids with cancer?

But John Green is a new kind of storyteller, and as he says in the book: "You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how you tell sad stories."

I don't know why I like this book so much. It couldn't have been all writing, but I can't think of anything else that would have drawn me to this book. I'm actually going to bring this up in the next episode of Life: Narrated, our podcast, so that maybe we can parse it out as a group.

John Green is such an awesome guy (if you haven't seen his Crash Course and VlogBrothers Youtube channels, you are MISSING OUT) and I love everything he stands for. He also has a knack for making me read about things I wouldn't normally touch with a ten foot pole.



4) Such a Rush (2012) by Jennifer Echols

Contemporary YA
This was the first book I'd read by Jennifer Echols and I was really impressed. The main character she created was easy to relate to and likeable, while still making all the wrong choices. It was frustrating in a way, but very believable. She is unapologetically who she is, and the story addresses a lot of those annoyances that happen when you are being female and breathing - unwanted male attention, the uncomfortable line between a male boss' flirting and something more, etc.

The emotions are so well written and the situations very true to life, that it's easy to imagine this playing out somewhere nearby. The main setting is an airport, where the main character works, and you go through her training to be a pilot.

One of the best things about this story and pretty much all of Jennifer Echols' books is it gives you a look into a unique setting. Most YA or NA books are about girls wanting to be fairly typical things - doctors, lawyers, writers, rock stars, etc. Very rarely do you see a female character who wants to be a pilot.

Getting this glimpse into another life is fascinating to me and I was ready to sign up for flight lessons by the end. 


5) Shadow and Bone (2012) by Leigh Bardugo

Fantasy YA
Shadow and Bone has a distinctly Russian flavor to it, but is set in a fantasy world with all sorts of crazy magical rules.  I think what I liked best about this book was the way the world building was so seamless. How Russian folklore and culture was so interwoven with this fictitious place.

Or maybe it is the way the story pulls a 180 on you so quickly you hardly know what happened, or if it actually happened.

You are put in the unique position of not knowing if the character's drastic actions are called for. I literally would not have known what to do in a similar situation.

The author spares no one in her descriptions and keeps the blood and guts in the arena of war. She brings the shadows alive with her expertly created atmosphere and edges the book almost into the realm of horror. Besides that, she uses magical mechanics and political intrigue to drive the story, which is unique for a YA book. I'd really like the third book to come out now, please.


6) Fangirl (2013) by Rainbow Rowell

Contemporary NA
Okay, let's be honest. What writer hasn't indulged in even a paragraph of fan fiction? Sometimes a world and it's characters are so extraordinary that it's hard to leave them alone and not wonder what they would do in other situations. I think, as a writer, I would be ridiculously flattered to have someone write fan fiction of my work.

That being said, this is the first book I've ever read where fanfiction is acknowledged in it's entirety. The online community, the fan art, the shipping, the slash. The main character in this book is a popular fan fiction writer who is dealing with the realization that college professors don't really like fan fiction. (That part, truthfully, was a little hard to swallow: you turned in a piece of fanfiction as a school assignment? How old are you?)

The characters are very real and resemble people you've met before - warts and all.

The author is great at capturing a specific era - you should read her other books that pretty much all take place in the late 90s. It's strange to have a book set in a recent past that is so different from our present. 


7) Seraphina (2012) by Rachel Hartman

Fantasy NA
Seraphina was such a great exploration of what it means to be human. Taking place in a world where dragons can take human form, it's clear that having the human shape is not all that is required to have humanity.

Dragons, as a race, are mathematical and severe; emotionless. But have made peace with the humans for expediency's sake (or maybe because they aren't as into the whole emotionless thing as they pretend to be?)

And the political tension between the dragons and the humans is mounting, bringing up issues of discrimination and otherizing. 

The main character is stuck between the world of the dragons and the world of the humans. She believes (and has ample evidence) the human world would not accept her if they knew everything about her, but she knows the dragons view her as an abomination.

It's heartbreaking to observe her existence at the beginning of the novel. Even her own family seems to be uncomfortable around her, and the person she depends on the most (her uncle) is a dragon who cannot show emotion without fear of a lobotomy. She is constantly negotiating between her human feelings of abandonment and love with her uncle's complete lack of emotion.

I honestly can't wait for the sequel (if there will be one?). The author creates a world that starts of simple, if weird, and grows in complexity with every passing chapter. The implications of the world they live in makes me want to know more about everything and see the story through.


8) The Historian (2005) by Elizabeth Kostova

Academic Thriller (is that a genre?) Literary Fiction
This book is really long. Really, really really long. I listened to it while I was doing data entry at work and so I had to tune in and out. I don't feel like I missed anything.

That being said, this book was definitely worth the read. It's an academic thriller. If you've ever had fun in a library looking shit up - or get stuck on a Wikipedia Choose-Your-Own adventure when all you wanted to know was one simple thing - this book is for you.

It's a literary search for Dracula, who may or may not exist, and it's very good. The book takes place throughout time and place, but visits two of my very favorite cities: Budapest and Istanbul. Both were rendered in great detail with some real atmosphere. I missed those cities so badly that I wanted to hop on a plane and be back drinking palinka in a Hungarian bar, or smoking shisha in a Turkish teahouse.

It's pretty slow moving in general, so settle in for the ride - but I promise, it's worth it. Have a repetitive task to do? Might I suggest the audio book?

9) The Rising (2013) by Kelley Armstrong

Fantasy YA
Kelley Armstrong has been a favorite writer of mine for some time. She has several series, most of which are interlacing stories in this supernatural world she's built.

This series (and the Darkest Powers series, which came before) are YA tie-ins to her adult books, and I really love the idea. If you've read her other books, there's a bit of dramatic irony going on, but if not, you still get a thrilling story. This year, the last of the Darkness Rising series came out and did not disappoint.

This book avoided the tropes of the genre with grace and style, leaving us with a heroine who was an acknowledged leader among her peers, but who's also smart, daring, and capable. As a side note, she is also Native American, though I can't speak to her authenticity in that capacity.

Armstrong is good at making rules and sticking to them, which is surprisingly uncommon in the fantasy genre. Her characters are well-formed, and in this series in particular, she went for the long lost supernatural creatures you've never heard of. I could almost feel her encouraging you to get on google at one point.

It's well written, as always, and both this and the Darkest Powers series are fantastic reads.

10) The Gathering Storm (2012) by Robin Bridges

Fantasy/Historical YA
Set in Imperial Russia, this book calls on both the supernatural world and the very historical world of the Romanovs. This juxtoposition of history and fantasy carried the story pretty far, though it did falter occasionally. I am very much looking forward to reading the others.

It was a bit confusing - everyone seems to have similar names, but hardly the author's fault when she's dealing with historical figures. It was also confusing because you don't really understand even the stated intentions of the people in the story, let alone the unstated ones.

I liked it, but I can see that it wasn't the clearest of books.






Honorable Mentions:

As a concession, these two books are some of my least favorites, NOT because they were bad, but for other reasons.

Wild Seed (1980) by Octavia Bulter

Science Fiction

This book. This. Book.

Okay, I'm not saying this was poorly written, because that would be a sin against writing - OED forgive me. Ms. Butler is a fantastic writer. And seeing a science fiction book starring people of color is a rarity.

But. BUT.

There was a lot about this book that I just couldn't take: rape, incest, child marriage, eugenics, general creepiness, etc. I got about 2/3 of the way through before I had to tap out.

I really liked the world building and the magical rules, and I was hoping to run across something to hope for before I got totally burnt out on all the horribleness, but it never happened. The main character was strong and did what she had to do to survive, but I can only take so much. If you have managed to get through this book, more power to you.



*The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900) by L. Frank Baum

Children's Literature
This is one of those books that I've always meant to read and when I finally did I was sorely disappointed.

The fantastical elements of the book were very well done, but the rest was very childishly simple. And while I understand it's a children's book, that doesn't mean it has to be childish. Obviously, it was written some time ago, so it's reasonable that it would be like this.

I guess what I really was disappointed in was missed opportunity. Dorothy is waltzing through this land and literally leaving a heap of bodies in her wake without so much as a wrinkle of her pretty brow. Dorothy the Witch Killer seems almost psychotically detached from the deaths she causes.

Not only that, but every land she gets to, she ends up killing and/or usurping the leaders and leaving her own friends in their place. She's literally setting herself up as Empress of Oz. That was the story I wanted to read.

Missed opportunities, man.


That's my list - tell me yours! Suggest books for me to read!   

I'm not big on New Years resolutions, hence why there have been no posts about it. Every year, on my birthday, I decide what I want the next year to look like.

But even I can't resist the allure of the January Season of Optimism - I mean, I started, like, five creative projects in under 30 days, so obviously something is going on here.

I've decided to do a Januray Retrospective - look at where I was last January, and compare it with where I am this January.

Since I have a blog from last January, it's pretty easy to see, actually.

 Let's start with some atmosphere: I was in Riyadh last January, working as a professor at a University whose name will go unmentioned. I remember it being freezing to the point where I bought a special wool coat thing to go over my abaya.

January was filled with rain storms that flooded the city (it doesn't take much, there are zero drainage systems in Riyadh) and snotty fights with my more obnoxious co-workers.

For a written account of the most hilarious of these, see The Cake Incident.

Now, let's talk emotional states. I was in a State last January. I'd decided to go to Riyadh on a flood of optimism that I could handle anything, and was sorely disappointed when it turned out I couldn't.

And to be clear, it wasn't so much the situation I couldn't handle, as much as it was the fact that two of my grandparents passed away while I was away in Riyadh. I honestly couldn't have gotten through those last months without leaning heavily on my friends there, who turned out to be more like sisters in the end. It was the first time in my life that I relied on someone outside my family for support and I was not disappointed.

I also came to the realization that I didn't want to be an ESL teacher for the rest of my life, and I was left wondering: What now?

I love to travel, I really do, but I needed to start thinking about the long term. I'd given up a lot of things to keep moving - I was constantly in and out of the country from the ages of 19 to 25 - and some of those things I really wanted back.

So even though I was leaving a really well-paying job, leaving the chance to travel the world some more, I was determined to make a go of it in America. I was even offered a professorship in China, which I turned down because I wanted to be here.

And it's nice to know, a year on, that I haven't headed for the hills yet. Though times are tough, I am, emotionally if not financially, in a better place.

In Riyadh, I couldn't write a single word because my life was circumscribed within the smallest of circles. I barely ever left my apartment except for work, scheduled group shopping trips, and dance class. My main form of exercise was walking in circles on the roof, trying to get a glimpse of the outside world over the edge of the 8 foot high walls.

Later, I came to realize how I had missed opportunities in Riyadh to get out, how my own emotional state was keeping me prisoner as much as the strict laws and cultural norms. There are definitely ways to have fun in Riyadh, I was just having none of it.

But having struggled with depression before, I wasn't interested in letting it take hold again. I still believe I made the best choice for me at the time, and maybe one day I will go back and try again. Maybe I'll take that professorship in China. Who knows?

The best thing about life is that it's full of possibilities.





For more reasons why I left Riyadh when I did, check out The Reasons Why on my old blog No Cilantro Extra Olives.