I'm not big on New Years resolutions, hence why there have been no posts about it. Every year, on my birthday, I decide what I want the next year to look like.

But even I can't resist the allure of the January Season of Optimism - I mean, I started, like, five creative projects in under 30 days, so obviously something is going on here.

I've decided to do a Januray Retrospective - look at where I was last January, and compare it with where I am this January.

Since I have a blog from last January, it's pretty easy to see, actually.

 Let's start with some atmosphere: I was in Riyadh last January, working as a professor at a University whose name will go unmentioned. I remember it being freezing to the point where I bought a special wool coat thing to go over my abaya.

January was filled with rain storms that flooded the city (it doesn't take much, there are zero drainage systems in Riyadh) and snotty fights with my more obnoxious co-workers.

For a written account of the most hilarious of these, see The Cake Incident.

Now, let's talk emotional states. I was in a State last January. I'd decided to go to Riyadh on a flood of optimism that I could handle anything, and was sorely disappointed when it turned out I couldn't.

And to be clear, it wasn't so much the situation I couldn't handle, as much as it was the fact that two of my grandparents passed away while I was away in Riyadh. I honestly couldn't have gotten through those last months without leaning heavily on my friends there, who turned out to be more like sisters in the end. It was the first time in my life that I relied on someone outside my family for support and I was not disappointed.

I also came to the realization that I didn't want to be an ESL teacher for the rest of my life, and I was left wondering: What now?

I love to travel, I really do, but I needed to start thinking about the long term. I'd given up a lot of things to keep moving - I was constantly in and out of the country from the ages of 19 to 25 - and some of those things I really wanted back.

So even though I was leaving a really well-paying job, leaving the chance to travel the world some more, I was determined to make a go of it in America. I was even offered a professorship in China, which I turned down because I wanted to be here.

And it's nice to know, a year on, that I haven't headed for the hills yet. Though times are tough, I am, emotionally if not financially, in a better place.

In Riyadh, I couldn't write a single word because my life was circumscribed within the smallest of circles. I barely ever left my apartment except for work, scheduled group shopping trips, and dance class. My main form of exercise was walking in circles on the roof, trying to get a glimpse of the outside world over the edge of the 8 foot high walls.

Later, I came to realize how I had missed opportunities in Riyadh to get out, how my own emotional state was keeping me prisoner as much as the strict laws and cultural norms. There are definitely ways to have fun in Riyadh, I was just having none of it.

But having struggled with depression before, I wasn't interested in letting it take hold again. I still believe I made the best choice for me at the time, and maybe one day I will go back and try again. Maybe I'll take that professorship in China. Who knows?

The best thing about life is that it's full of possibilities.





For more reasons why I left Riyadh when I did, check out The Reasons Why on my old blog No Cilantro Extra Olives.